NTM I have to admit that when I think of the Texas secession movement I experience emotions ranging from eye-rolling amusement to head-scratching bewilderment.  Now, 144 years after the Civil War, excuse me, “the War of Northern Aggression” we have a wave of enthusiasm from a small group of Texans who believe that Big Gummint is the root of all evil. Is the South rising again or is this a small group of wingnuts who believe that not only is secession possible, it is desirable?  Well, the rationality of these individuals is open to question but according to one Rasmussen poll, 1/3 of Texans believe that the state can legally secede from the U.S.  However, only 20% believe that Texas should leave. That’s 5 million people, most of whom are probably, ummm, not especially sophisticated, although all are apparently constitutional scholars.

But as I think about it, maybe it’s not such a bad idea. Instead of cutting loose the entire Lone Star state, why don’t they identify 20% of the state’s vast territory, grant it to the secessionists, and then create a border? When they leave the Neo-Pecks will have to leave behind the money they’ve paid into the Social Security system and other socialist programs, so they’ll have figure out a way to cover startup costs. But once they’re in business, watch out!

Border Security: The Neo-Pecks can raise their own army (no need for a navy unless they’re on the coast, a big savings there), a true citizens’ army led by Ted Nugent. Because citizens will be legally permitted to discriminate against anyone they wish, there will be no “diversity,” a dangerous liberal idea. In fact, there will be no gays, lesbians, Latinos, African-Americans, or other undesirables. This means that border security will be a major challenge because everyone else will want to move to this new Eden.

Law Enforcement: Internal security can largely be left to the citizens, as they will be required to carry six-guns (remember this is the West). Minors can carry guns proportional to their size, such as .25 caliber pistols easily carried in bookbags and backpacks. Homeowners will be encouraged to stockpile larger caliber weapons for home defense. Given the expected harmony of this new country, there should be little need for self-defense, but the home arsenal will deter invasions by liberal countries like Cuba and Washington, DC.

Education: The educational system will be streamlined (English and  Intelligent Design only).  There will be no “family life education,” which just encourages young people to have s-e-x. Libraries will be small, since once liberal media are screened out there will be little left on the shelves except Reader’s Digest, the Weekly Standard and the “Left Behind” series.  Regent, Liberty and Bob Jones Universities can provide higher education for those smarty-pants intellectuals who really think they need it.

The Arts: Neo-Pecks don’t know anything about the arts, but they know what they like: Larry the Cable Guy, Amy Grant, Chuck Norris, Pat Boone, Steven Baldwin, you know, the big names in enterainment. There will be no abstract art, naked sculpture, drag shows, or Broadway musicals, because all of those things involve homosexuals.

Health Care: Since evolution is just a theory, doctors can assume that viruses and bacteria never change, so they can use the same flu vaccines and antibiotics year after year, another cost savings.  Since only married heterosexuals will be having sex, contraception will be available only after a marriage license has been put on file at the pharmacy.  Treatment for STDs will be unnecessary. Citizens who want health insurance will be permitted to negotiate directly with health insurance companies for the best deal. Employers will be required to grant employees unpaid leave for meetings with a health insurance representative.

Politics & Social Policy: Running a country costs money, but I’m confident they’ve worked out a tentative budget already, including how taxes will be calculated and collected.  Wait…taxes? Doesn’t that mean government? Well, yes, but it will be small. Really, really small. Since homogeneity will be the watchword of this country, only one political party will be necessary, making the electoral process very simple and the legislative process even simpler.

Meanwhile, the rest of can sit back and watch this reality show, breathe a sigh of relief, and appreciate their motto: “Ignoratio beatitudo est” (Ignorance is Bliss.)

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